


If I Could Give You The World

by yooaliceee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, please you and bokuto just need to kith kith fall in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29900775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yooaliceee/pseuds/yooaliceee
Summary: loving bokuto kotaro, your childhood friend, has always been your biggest secret; with you locking those feelings within the written lines of a secret letter. But what happens when that letter gets sent out? Will he accept those feelings or will your friendship crumble into dust?
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou & Reader, Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	If I Could Give You The World

**Author's Note:**

> ↳ pairing: bokuto kotaro x female! reader  
> ↳ genre: fluff | angst | childhood friends to lovers au | idiots to lovers | highschool au | sfw | rated pg  
> ↳ word count: 20.1k+ (haha and i really said this would only be at most 10k lol clownery right there)  
> ↳ warnings: use of she/her pronouns | profanity | mentions of insecurities | baby bokuto | idiotic pining  
> *cross-posted on tumblr under the URL @yooaliceee*

The shrill sound of the school bell echoes throughout the empty halls, causing a surge of relief and excitement to wash over the students of Fukurodani Academy, for it meant that the end of the day had finally come. It meant that they could finally go home. 

“Alright, class,” Your calculus teacher says, arranging his things as he speaks. “For your homework, please answer all the odd numbers on page 250 in preparation for your seatwork tomorrow. That is all, class dismissed.”

You groan from your seat at the very back of the classroom, laying your head a bit too harshly on your desk in dismay. Calculus was one of your weakest subjects, and you most definitely weren’t looking forward to spending your night stressing over it. 

You sigh, gathering your belongings and arranging them neatly into your school bag while the rest of your classmates hastily do the same and begin to leave one by one.   
You were tired. There wasn’t any particular reason for your fatigue save for the long one hour and thirty calculus period and the biology exam you had earlier this morning, but other than that, the day had been pretty standard for you, just like always. 

It wasn’t a bad thing. In fact, you were immensely grateful to have experienced a relatively normal day because it usually meant that you had extra time in your hands to daydream about whatever your heart desired. 

And for you, that usually meant the what-ifs that would arise should you happen to be dating Bokuto Kotaro, the school’s volleyball superstar, who coincidentally also happened to be your childhood best friend. 

Well, used to.

As you head out of your classroom, bag firmly clutched to your side, you plug in your earphones, playing a random song from your jumble of a playlist. It wasn’t long till you found your thoughts drifting again, circling back towards your beloved childhood friend, whom you missed dearly. 

You and Bokuto had a curious relationship if anything. Both your mothers met each other during a PTA meeting when you were in kindergarten and immediately became the best of friends right after, leaving the two of you to play with each other every time they wanted to meet. 

Bokuto was always an energetic and happy kid. After all, he was spoiled by his two older sisters. He sought adventure and fun in everything he did and had always dragged you along with him, for no other kid could handle his random bursts of energy like you could. Whether it be deciding to climb a tree to rescue a stay kitten and almost falling and gaining a broken leg and arm, to struggling to reach the other side of the monkey bar only to fail because he lacked muscle strength, every day that you spent with Bokuto was an adventure like no other. 

He was the captain of your pirate ship, the father of your imaginary dollhouse, the sunshine of your life. He was your best friend and the person you looked up to the most.

Until suddenly, he wasn’t. 

Nothing bad happened. It wasn’t as if a fight had occurred between the two of you, causing your friendship to crumble into the dust. No, the truth was relatively simple. Bokuto had found his dream, and you allowed him to reach it.  
  
You remember the day where he had fallen in love with volleyball for the first time. The two of you were playing hide & seek in the local playground, Bokuto being the hider and you being the seeker. But it had been a while, and you were beginning to worry as you hadn’t seen Bokuto anywhere at all. And at that point, you had practically searched everywhere for him. 

You were wandering in tears, scared that he had been taken by some monsters just like your mom had told you whenever she instructed you to not walk alone. That is until you found him right outside the metal bars that surrounded the basketball court, which had been converted into a temporary volleyball court for the players inside. His tiny hands were clutching unto the side of the fence, looking at the players with stars in his eyes. It was as if he had seen the light for the first time. As if he had been given an opening free from the shackles of darkness. As if he has seen the sun. 

“Taro?” You mumble timidly, walking up to him with a confused yet scared expression, looking left and right for any signs of monsters that could be lurking in the corners. Your mother’s words still etched freshly into your mind. “Look (Y/N)!” Bokuto exclaimed, eyes twinkling in excitement. Your eyes followed his finger to where he was pointing, just as the volleyball player inside spiked a powerful ball, startling you in the process. “They’re so cool!” He continues, practically jumping up and down, unable to contain the feeling of awe that was flowing through his veins. “He went like pshhhh and then he jumped like yaaaaa and then he hit the ball like pawwwww!”

The sight of Bokuto mimicking the volleyball player’s actions was loveable and swoon-worthy at the same time. This was a side to Bokuto that you had never seen before in your five years of living. It was honestly quite fascinating. “Do you think I can be cool like them?” He asks you, a hopeful gaze in his eyes. Your younger self takes a moment to think as if you were deep in thought; you express it exaggeratedly, creating suspense for Bokuto, who waits for your answer with eager eyes. “Of course you can, Taro!” You chirp happily after a while, giving him a bright grin and a huge thumbs up. “You’re going to be the coolest!” 

If it was possible, Bokuto’s eyes lit up even further, a glimmer of excitement lacing through them. Without hesitation, he grabs your hands, running towards his house, which was only five minutes away from the park. He couldn’t wait to tell his mom and sisters all about his new dream.

And you couldn’t wait to be with him every step of the way. Bokuto’s happiness was contagious, after all. If he was happy, then you were pleased. It was something that came naturally to you in your friendship. But you hadn’t expected things to end up this way. 

The moment Bokuto had begun playing volleyball was the moment your friendship began to die out. He was so immersed with training that any semblance of free time he had was dedicated to volleyball.

Gone were the days where he used to pop up at your doorstep at four in the afternoon to drag you out and play. Gone were the days when you would roleplay as different characters, going on adventure after adventure until you physically couldn't anymore. Gone were the days where you would go to your secret base and hang out like it was only the two of you left in the world.   
Of course, you understood or at least tried to. Your younger self couldn’t quite understand why Bokuto was spending less time with you. The only time he did hang out was when your parents would meet up, and even then, he had done so reluctantly, whining about how he wanted to play volleyball instead of playing with you. 

That had shattered your poor little heart into pieces. 

But as you grew up, you quickly understood that Bokuto was meant to play volleyball. Unbeknownst to him, you would show up to his practices and games and watch him play from time to time. And every time you did so, you were always blown away. 

Bokuto was a natural at the court. There was just something about the way he played that made every other player in the game seem irrelevant. It was as if he was the star of the show, the main character, the protagonist of the world. 

And that was when you realized that perhaps this was how things were meant to be. 

If you had persisted in continuing your friendship with him, then Bokuto would have never shone as bright as he did at the moment. He would have never been the Bokuto that he was today.   
So you allowed your friendship to turn into the dust, knowing it was for the best. But, as fate would have it, you couldn’t shake him away from your life, no matter how hard you tried.   
It was as if he was a parasite, occupying every single waking moment of your day. You had never felt so strongly for someone as much as you had for Bokuto. Sure, you had some happy crushes here and there, but at the end of the day, you would always come back to Bokuto.

Even if you knew that he would never come back to you. 

“Hey, (Y/N)!” A familiar and warm voice calls out. The voice is so nostalgic that you almost think that you’re hearing things. But soon, you hear the sound of rushed footsteps, and that same voice calls out to you again, louder this time, but the warmth and familiarity are still there.

It’s a voice that’s been drifting through your thoughts non-stop for what felt like an eternity. It was a voice that could literally represent the sun, the stars, and all the light in the world.   
It was the voice that belonged to none other than Bokuto Kotaro.

You turn around, surprise and shock written all over your features. It had been years since you and Bokuto had spoken. It almost felt surreal that he had actually called out to you. That he was even running towards you with the loveable eagerness that he carried everywhere he went. 

“I finally found you,” he says, panting slightly as he gives you a bright grin that makes your heart leap in your chest. You have no idea what to do, the beating of your heart clouding all rationality in your mind, rendering you unable to think straight. You only let out a small squeak, just barely there for Bokuto to not hear it, but you know you would have to respond to him sooner or later.   
“What is it, Bokuto-kun?” You ask timidly, cursing yourself for how weak you sounded. If this was your younger self, you would have greeted him with the confidence of a war general. But that was years ago, and the confident child you once were is no longer anywhere to be seen. 

You’re so lost in thought that you don’t notice the small frown that appears on Bokuto’s face at the way you address him, but he quickly wears it off, not wanting to worry or alarm you in the slightest.

“You’re in class 3-B, right?” He asks, the bright smile never leaving his face. You nod in response, not trusting your words at the moment. Who knows what could happen? For all you know, you could have stuttered and made a complete fool out of yourself in front of him. If that happened, you would never be able to face him again. 

“Our class is doing a butler cafe for the culture festival,” he begins, and you perk up at the new revelation. The annual culture festival was something you looked forward to every year, as it allowed you a day free from hardships and an opportunity to enjoy your youth that was passing by with every single moment. 

But what made it even better was the realization that Bokuto would be in a butler suit. Just the thought of it made you feel all warm inside, and your heart began to beat even faster, although you tried your best to hide it. 

“And,” Bokuto continued, cutting you off from your thoughts. “I heard that your class was doing a Disney-themed one, right?!” There was a familiar, excited glint in his eyes. A look that suited him so marvelously well, almost as if it was the last piece to Bokuto’s puzzle. You nod in response, finding yourself smiling at the child-like eagerness that surrounded him. 

“Well, our class was thinking of a collaboration event with all the other classes doing cafes!” He rambled happily. “What do you think?! Sounds awesome, right?!”  
You swear, there was something about Bokuto Kotaro’s smile that made the world a slightly better place. It was contagious, and you couldn’t help but feel your mood lift from the tired plateau it had been prior to speaking with him. 

“Sounds great,” you comment with a soft smile, watching with amused eyes as Bokuto perks up, and like clockwork, his hair does the same. It was a peculiar yet loveable trait that he had. Almost as if his hair had a mind of his own, and maybe it did, you would never know. 

“Perfect!” Bokuto exclaims, beaming at you. “Do you mind letting your class rep know about this? Our rep wants to have a lunch meeting to talk more about it.”   
It was just like Bokuto to be a messenger boy, you figured. It suited him well; he delivered messages to different people with such strong enthusiasm that it was impossible for you to say no to him. 

“Oh sure,” you respond, a smile gracing your lips. “I’d love to.” All of a sudden, Bokuto engulfs you in a warm hug, twirling you around in excitement. You yelp surprised and embarrassed that you’re suddenly being lifted into the air. But your heart warms soon after. This was something that you had longed for the longest time, ever since the two of you had begun to part ways.  
Bokuto was a spontaneous man who loved giving random acts of affection to people he cherished. Giving out hugs was something that he often did, most especially when he wanted to express his overwhelming joy that he just couldn't contain. 

“Thank you!” He exclaims happily before setting you down as gently as possible, which was a lot considering how much energy Bokuto carried within his body. “Then, I’ll see you around,” He says, already turning around, “I still have volleyball practice, and as the ace and captain, I can’t be late!”

You giggle at his words, relishing in the happiness that surrounded him. You waved goodbye as he sped down the hall, heading down the stairs to rush to the gym. It wasn’t till you saw Bokuto disappear down the stairs did you finally feel yourself let go and take a deep breath. Your heart was still beating rapidly against your chest, filling your entire body with warmth after the events that had just transpired. 

You never imagined that your first encounter with Bokuto after years would be like this. It was as if nothing had happened between the two of you. As if you hadn’t drifted apart and gone your separate ways. Sure, there had been moments during your three years of reuniting in high school where you had crossed paths, but most of the time, you kept your distance, not wanting to disturb or interfere with Bokuto’s life. 

And judging by the way Bokuto just naturally fell into conversation, he, without a doubt, knew you were attending the same school as him. Perhaps he didn’t want to rekindle the friendship that you had prior. It was a shame, honestly.

But you would accept any outcome in order to help Bokuto achieve his dreams. Even if it meant getting hurt in the process.

“I’m home~” you call out, tiredly taking off your school shoes and slipping into your indoor slippers. 

The events from earlier today had worn you out considerably. It hadn’t even been a full ten minutes when you had encountered Bokuto, but it felt like a lifetime from how mentally tired you were after. 

Oh, if only you never had a crush on him. If only you had stayed best friends like you were when you were kids, then you would never have ended up like this.   
Who were you kidding? Even if you remained best friends throughout your teenage years, you would have still developed a crush for him; Bokuto was just that loveable— you swear it was a secret power of his.

“Welcome home~” your mother calls out, singing from the kitchen. “Dinner will be ready in about an hour; we’re having tonkatsu tonight!”

“Oh~” you exclaim, giving your mother a smile as you pass by her in the kitchen and head towards the refrigerator to grab a drink. “It smells good!”

“Doesn’t it?!” Your mother chirps happily, placing another breaded pork chop into the oil; the sweet sizzling sound like music to your ears. “Mrs. Bokuto came by just earlier today for some lunch. The pork was part of the gifts she brought, isn’t that nice?” You tense up at the name of your crush’s mom, holding the pitcher of iced tea firmly in your hand. “Oh really?” You say, after taking in a shaky breath. “That must have been nice."

“It was!” Your mother rambles excitedly. “We were reminiscing about the two of you, you know? You and Kotaro used to be so close when you were children; it’s such a shame that you aren’t as close today,” she sighs, placing a hand to her cheek in mock sadness. She then turns to you, a small pout on her face. “Besides, whatever happened to you two anyway? I thought you guys were going to be best friends forever!”

You sigh, chugging the glass of iced tea down your throat. “There’s no such thing as forever, mom. Things change, you know?” Your mother hummed, another pout forming on her lips at your words. “If you say so…” she says, turning back to her cooking. 

You sigh once more, grabbing a bag of chips before tiredly trudging your way towards your room, plopping down on your bed as soon as you enter. 

You let out a huff, covering your eyes with your free hand, letting yourself think about all the events that had occurred. 

You had no idea if they had planned it or not. Nevertheless, today, there was just something that made the Bokuto family think it was a good idea to pop into your life at unexpected times, leaving your heart beating and mind ablaze. You were just plain tired. 

After what felt like hours, you finally found the motivation to get up and head towards your study desk. Even if you wanted to stay up all night doing absolutely nothing, you unfortunately still had your fair share of responsibilities, which included a stressful physics worksheet that you wanted to chuck straight into the trash can and burn until the jumble of numbers disappeared from your life. 

Sitting on your desk chair, you groan once more, grabbing your laptop, which was neatly placed on the side of your desk, and bringing it in front of you. But just before you could open your computer and start working on your assignment, you freeze. 

Right in front of you was a box. But it was not just any container; this was the box that you used to keep your sacred love letter to Bokuto.

It was a remarkable letter that you had written not long ago; when your heart was just full of heartwarming adoration for the said volleyball player, that you didn’t know what to do with it. So, against your better judgment, you had grabbed a random piece of paper and let your feelings flow unto it, not caring at how ridiculous or sappy your words had become. It didn’t matter. All you knew was you had to let your bottled feelings overflow in some way, and this was the only reasonable one you had found. 

But you knew that you couldn’t ever let the letter see the light of day. If Bokuto even had a glimpse of the immense feeling of devotion that you harbored for him, then it would literally be the end of the world for you. How would you survive from the embarrassment should he actually read your letter?

You honestly didn’t want to know.

But, as you gaze down on the reused giftbox you had gotten years ago, you feel your mouth open in shock. Every fiber in your being freezes as dread overcomes your veins. It’s a nauseous feeling, something you would never wish unto anyone in the world.

Because with this feeling came the realization that the precious, sacred letter which you had worked your butt off to conceal within the depths of your drawer was gone. It had vanished, leaving nothing in its’ wake but an empty shell of a box. 

And you felt your blood run cold. 

What had happened? How could this be? You were sure that you had kept the box perfectly safe, deep within your study drawer where no one could find it. So what was it doing out here? 

“Mom!” You hollered, running down the stairs frantically. Your mom looks at you in confusion, eyes widened in alarm, and spatula set in a way that showcased she was ready to fight whoever had hurt you. 

“What is it?! What’s wrong?! Did you get hurt?!” She rambles, eyes scanning over your figure to ensure that nothing was out of the ordinary. But she sees your panicked eyes mirroring her own and can’t help but feel the concern in her heart continue to grow. 

“No, not really…” You answer, reassuring her with a gentle smile. “But that isn’t the point!” You exclaim, suddenly remembering your predicament. “Have you seen the letter in the old gift box in my room?!”

You watch as your mom’s eyes contort in confusion before lighting up in realization. You desperately hope that she had just placed it somewhere else and that the worst possible thing hadn’t happened. 

But alas, fate wasn’t on your side today. 

“Oh, you mean your letter for Kotaro-kun?” Your mom asked, a teasing smile on her face. “I saw it when I was cleaning your room this morning, then I asked Mrs. Bokuto to give it to him so you wouldn’t go through the trouble of mailing it instead. Heavens knows how much of a hassle the post office is these days." She mutters under her breath before turning back to you. "I didn’t know that the two of you were pen pals! And you said you weren’t friends anymore, liar~.”

You felt yourself pale the more your mother spoke, feeling the blood in your veins run cold once more. It was as if her words had sucked the life away from you, leaving nothing in its wake but a hollow shell of pure fear and dread. 

You couldn’t believe it. 

“You gave it to Mrs. Bokuto?” You whispered softly, afraid of the words that were falling out your lips. When your mother nodded, confused on why you seemed so appalled by her actions, you spoke again. “And she’s going to give it to Bokuto-kun?” The more you spoke, the more fragile your voice became, Bokuto’s name falling from your lips in a shaky breath. 

“Supposedly?” Your mother answers back, highly confused. “I mean, what else were you supposed to do with that letter? Keep it with you and never send it to him?” There’s a small silence that falls between the two of you, and your mother looks at you in surprise and slight disappointment when she realizes that she’s hit the nail head-on. “Wait…” she says, pausing to sneer at you. “Don’t tell me I was actually right?!”

You groan in embarrassment, burying your face in your hands. You nod meekly soon after, causing your mother to let out a scoff. “Now, why would you do that?” She asks, baffled.  
“Cause it’s a love letter, mom!” You exclaim, exasperated, hands up in the air. “It was just some stupid feelings that I wrote on a piece of paper! I never meant to send it out! Now Bokuto-kun’s going to think of me as this weird-ass lady who stopped being friends because she was in love since we were kinder!

“Language, young lady,” your mother scolds, giving you a warning glare. “And I’m sorry if I gave it away without your permission; maybe next time, you should put a note on your personal belongings! Especially if it's that important to you,” You gaped at your mother’s words, mind in disbelief at the fact that she was turning the blame on you. 

“But you shouldn't continue sulking about it,” your mother continues, turning back to her cooking. “Who knows? Maybe something good will come out of it in the end?”  
“How do you know that?” You groan, staring at her unimpressed. 

"I don’t,” she replies, shrugging nonchalantly. “But what I do know is that I can’t change the past. So whatever happens from now on just happens, and whether it’s a good or bad thing, then you just have to accept it. If he rejects you, you can just go back to the way you were before this; if he doesn’t, then I have one more mouth to feed. Simple right? Now stop gaping at me and help set the table. Your father should be home any minute.”

You hate how your mother somehow always seemed to be right, even if there were some things you didn’t particularly agree with.  
While you were almost certain that if Bokuto rejected you, things would never go back to the way before, your mother’s advice somehow calmed the erratic beating of your heart and the frantic frenzy of your mind, almost like magic. You wonder if that was a unique talent of hers, a secret spell that only she could cast to reassure her children that everything would be fine; you weren’t quite sure. 

But all you knew, as you rushed to grab the plates and utensils, was that you would face whatever happens tomorrow head-on, regardless if it leaves you shattered or not.   
This was no time for you to be running away.

Okay, perhaps that was easier said than done. 

You nestle your head into your folded arms, which were perched comfortably atop your school desk, sighing. It was the period before lunch, and your teacher had given the class a quick five-minute break because she desperately needed to use the restroom, and you took that as your cue to take a short power nap.   
You were feeling dejected, almost as if you were carrying the whole world behind your back as you sighed for what felt like the billionth time today, to the point where you were beginning to tire yourself out. 

Being in the window seat had its’ perks as well as its’ downfalls. On the bright side, you wouldn’t deprive yourself of sunlight, and you could easily find things to distract yourself with should you so happen to be stuck in another boring chemistry lecture. 

On the downside, being in the window seat allowed you to take glimpses of the many classes that were having their physical education classes on the school field, and while that would usually have been a good thing, it was the opposite for you. 

You had been listening to your teacher talk about oxidation and reduction for a while now, finding the old woman’s voice insanely sleep-inducing. So, to keep yourself awake, you turned towards the outside to find something that would capture your interest and distract you from falling asleep.

What you hadn't expected, however, was to see Bokuto out on the field, running laps. 

The sight of his energetic self speeding through the worn-out rack had butterflies churning in your stomach and your heart racing a million miles per minute. Even from far away, he looked ethereal, clad in your school’s P.E. uniform, a white and gold tracksuit that sported your school’s name. 

It perfectly complemented his salt and pepper hair, making him stand out amongst the flock of third-year students that couldn’t even hold a candle to him.

Bokuto was a star in every way, shape, and form. Even when he was standing still, doing nothing but taking a swig of his bottled water, he looked perfect. Perfect enough to have your heart swooning and mind racing with cute scenarios about you and him. 

Gosh, you were in real deep, weren’t you?

How were you going to get over his rejection now? It would hurt you too much, forming a wound so deep that you were sure that you would never recover, no matter how long it took. Bokuto had already sucked you deep into his everything, and you were too hooked to let go. 

“You okay there?” A feminine voice asks when you sigh once again for what felt like the hundredth time in that period alone. You raise your head up, turning it to the side to stare at your seatmate, who coincidentally happened to be one of your closest friends. 

“Just dandy,” you mumble, cheek squishing up from laying on your arm. Your best friend looks at you with a raised eyebrow, clearly seeing through your tired form that looked as if it had already given up even before the battle had begun. 

“Really?” She asks, “Cause you look like you just accidentally deleted all your work for a project without saving it.” You wince at her comparison, knowing fully well how heartwrenching going through that experience was. It was like even the world had given up on you, leaving you with nothing but an empty shell of sadness which was pretty accurate given your current situation. 

“I’m fine, Yukie,” you mumble, unknowingly letting out a pout. “Just going through puberty… you know, like any other human being.” Your pink-haired friend lets out a small hum, eyes looking to the side as she buries herself deep in thought. She mumbles to herself soon after, just loud enough for you to hear her as well. 

“Well, it’s not your period,” she says, shaking her head. “If it was, then you would have had a whole bag of chocolate beside you… If it’s not that, then…” Yukie stays silent for a while, taking a moment to collect her thoughts before she perks up and gives you a knowing grin. 

“Boy problems, huh?” She teases, giving you a smirk. You glare at her, annoyed that she had somehow managed to see through you so easily. Yukie leans back on her chair in triumph, glad that she had guessed correctly, judging by your reaction. “Wow~” She exclaims, wiping a fake tear from her eye. “I can’t believe my little (Y/N) is growing up,” She laughs at your half-hearted glare, lips forming into a pout at the way she babies you. 

“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You know I’m just teasing you,” regardless; it doesn’t stop the whine that falls from your lips, with you scorning yourself for being a victim to your friend’s teasing. 

“So,” Yukie continues, looking at you with a curious and excited gaze. “Who’s the lucky guy? No, wait. Let me guess, is it our class rep? The two of you have been getting friendly as of late. Or maybe your club president? He does have those gentleman vibes that you always geek about.” You feel yourself tense, appalled by what Yukie was suggesting. You would never in a million years imagine yourself being with the class rep, let alone your club president! Besides, the poor guy already had a girlfriend. You couldn’t like him even if you wanted to. 

You glare daggers at her, but ironically, she doesn’t pay mind to it, continuing to babble on and on about your possible love interests, some that you haven’t even heard of. You had no idea who the playboy freshman from the basketball team was, nor did you have a clue on who the rich boy from class 2-A was. Heck, you weren’t even into younger men. You’d much rather be with Bokuto, although you knew that it would be impossible. 

Sighing once more, you find your eyes drawn back into the outside world, gaze lingering on Bokuto’s muscular frame, admiring the way he looked stunning even though he was doing nothing but drinking from a water bottle. 

“No way…” Yukie says, staring at you in shock and excitement. “You like Bokuto-kun?” You feel yourself grow warm, groaning internally that you had let yourself become too prominent in front of her watchful eyes. It was as if you were willingly telling the world that yes, you had a big, fat crush on Bokuto Kotaro, and you had no idea what to do about it. When, in reality, you desperately wanted to hide everyone away from that truth, afraid that the more you let people know, the more disappointment you would face. 

Yukie watches your bashful gaze, taking in the way you clutched your uniform sleeve a little bit tighter, a habit you had picked up whenever you were nervous, not knowing what to do with your hands. She knew that she had hit the bullseye because why else would you react so differently unless you actually had a crush on Bokuto?

She would have never imagined it, though. Prior to today, you had not once shown an inkling of interest for her volleyball captain. So, she figured, something must have occurred for you to begin to act differently. To make you so vulnerable with your emotions. 

And to be perfectly honest, Yukie was amused. 

How many times did she have to listen to Bokuto go on and on about how much he missed you? She knew that Bokuto had a ginormous crush on you. It was evident in the way his eyes shone just a bit brighter at the mention of your name or how his spirits would immediately be lifted once Akaashi mentions how much you would admire him as an ace should he snap out of his infamous emo mode. 

You had so much power over him, and you didn’t even know it. 

“It’s not that I like him or anything,” you mutter, averting your eyes from Yukie’s, who raises her eyebrow at your blatant lie. “Okay,” you exclaim, pouting once more. “Maybe I do like him… just a little bit, though…”

That doesn’t stop the way Yukie looks at you expectantly, as if she knew that you weren’t being a hundred percent honest with her. “Okay,” you blurt out, much more softly this time. “Maybe I like him… a lot…”

Yukie nods with a satisfied hum, taking the seat in front of you, as the bell had rung for lunchtime just awhile ago. Your teacher had entered, slightly embarrassed that she had taken too long in the restroom and had curtly dismissed you, leaving you and Yukie to carry on with your conversation. 

“That’s cute,” she comments, crossing her legs, and leaning her face to rest against her hand. “Although I would have never imagined you would like Bokuto-kun of all people… I mean, I know that you’re childhood friends, but you’ve always acted as if you weren’t even remotely interested in him, you know? What changed?”

“Well…” you say, trailing off. If it were anyone else, they would have assumed that you had no idea what had sparked this sudden vulnerability. But, in reality, it was the opposite. You knew very well what was the underlying cause behind all of this. And it was all because of that stupid letter. 

“You see…” you stutter, not knowing how to tell your best friend that your mother had accidentally sent the love letter you made for Bokuto, but it seemed as if fate had already planned it all out for you. 

“Oi, (Y/N),” A classmate calls, and when you take a glance, you immediately take notice of the unmistakable mop of black and white that you had come to love, and you freeze. “You’ve got a visitor.”

“Shit,” you mutter, looking at Yukie with panicked eyes. “I need to hide—tell him I’m asleep or something,” Yukie looks at you, confused at your sudden frenzy. “Wait, wh—“

“Just do it, please?” You hiss, albeit it was relatively gentle, as you focused more on burying your face within your hands, willing yourself to look like you were fast asleep. Confused, Yukie stands up and heads towards the front door of the classroom in your place, only for her expression to mold into surprise at the sight of her captain waiting nervously at the side. 

“Oh, Bokuto-kun, what can I do for you?” She asks cautiously, watching the way Bokuto’s eyes light up before he fiddles with his fingers nervously, something that was quite unusual for the loud and boisterous man. Although it was a cute and unexpected sight to see, it caused slight worry to form within Yukie’s heart.

“Hi Yukie,” he says, breath shaky. “Is (Y/N) around?” At this point, Yukie was perplexed. Sure, Bokuto had talked to her about his infatuation with her best friend, but she had never expected he would act like a shy boy. He always held himself with absolute confidence that could never be explained. So she found it quite odd to see that usual courage vanish into thin air, almost like it wasn’t even there to begin with. 

“Oh yeah, she is,” Yukie finally says, trying her best not to let her own emotions show— what they were, however, she wasn’t quite sure of. Maybe they were ones of astonishment, as the sight of Bokuto’s 360 transformation amused her so. Or perhaps it was the fact that she couldn’t keep a straight face when trying to cover for you and had to think of nasty, depressing thoughts to get herself in the right mindset. “But,” She finally speaks, after composing herself internally. “She’s kind of knocked out… And she’s not the type to wake up that easily, you know?”

The truth of the matter is that Bokuto did know. He knew that Yukie was lying to him, that is. Bokuto knew you, almost as if it was natural for him. After all, he was once your best friend at some point, so he knew that you would wake up at even the slightest noise. 

He remembers a time back when you were kids. During his birthday, he had begged his parents to let him stay up until midnight to do a countdown because he was a ‘big man’ who was strong enough to last that long without falling asleep. Reluctantly, his parents had agreed, and when you had found out about his plan, you had begged your own parents to let you celebrate with him, to which they did. How you were able to convince him? Bokuto wasn't sure. 

But the two of you stayed up that night, fighting a long and hard battle with sleep and fatigue, in order to prove a point to both of your parents, who at that time found your struggles rather amusing. For Bokuto, it was relatively easy. After all, he was practically a ball of energy just waiting to pop. He was so excited to finally turn a year older that sleep didn’t have any effect on him at all like it used to. 

On the other hand, you were more susceptible to falling asleep, with your battle being much more challenging than Bokuto’s. Not only did you forget to take a nap earlier that day like you were used to, but it was way past your bedtime, and the combination of those two variables resulted in you feeling even sleepier than ever before. And just as the countdown began, you had dozed off, unbeknownst to Bokuto, who was excitingly counting down the seconds till midnight with your family members. 

It was when he had screamed a loud and energetic “Hey! Hey! Hey! It’s Finally my Birthday!” did you startle awake, looking at your surroundings with dazed and disoriented eyes before greeting your best friend with a sleepy yet heartfelt smile, falling fast asleep soon after. 

Bokuto would never admit it, but that was the first time he had seen you in a different light. Usually, if it were one of his sisters or any other friend from kindergarten, he would have been sad that they had slept on such an important event in his life, or if not that, he would have been cocky and rubbed the fact that he had stayed up later than them on their faces. But with you? He couldn’t help that burst of awe and admiration when he saw the peaceful look on your face as you slept. 

He had followed your parents, watching you with curious eyes as they laid you in Bokuto’s bed. Knowing what was about to happen, he looked up at your parents with a pleading look on his face. “Can I tuck her in?” He had asked, looking more like a lost puppy. “Can I? Can I?” He was so eager that your parents couldn’t find the heart in them to say no. The satisfaction that followed as soon as he tucked you into his superhero blankets and the pure happiness that came when he followed it by giving you a kiss on the forehead like his parents had always done to him before wishing you a good night and sweet dreams was incomparable. 

Even now, years after that day, Bokuto would still consider that experience as one of the best birthdays of his life. So why exactly was Yukie lying to him?

Sure, the possibility of you changing your habits was there. But Bokuto was confident that wasn’t the case. After all, even after all this time of being apart, he knew that you hadn’t changed a bit. From the small interactions he had with you, he could tell that you were still the same caring, kind, and loveable girl he fell in love with; just like how he hadn’t changed over the years, his tiny habit of screaming “Hey! Hey! Hey!” never disappearing despite how much he had matured as a person. 

Another possibility could have been the fact that Yukie might not have known that you were a light sleeper. But that was impossible as well. After all, once you got close with someone, you were comfortable with naturally opening up to them, falling more into your adorable, quirky habits, which hadn’t changed over the years, just like how you’d bite your lower lip whenever you were in deep thought, or how you’d puff one of your cheeks and pout whenever someone teased you, or how when you were incredibly excited or happy about something, you would clap like an enthusiastic seal, eyes smiling as if you held the galaxy within them. 

Gosh, Bokuto thought to himself, he was in too deep. 

He was sure that you didn’t know of this, but Bokuto had never once stopped thinking about you. Even after the two of you had grown apart, Bokuto would always find himself coming back to you and craving your company. He hated how the two of you had fallen out of the friendship you had developed and had settled for being mere acquaintances. It was heartbreaking to him.   
He had always wanted to go back and mend it, to relive the days where he felt free again. To go back to the times where he felt like you and him could conquer the world; could do anything your hearts desired. The two of you still could achieve that, but the problem lay in the fact that you could only do so apart rather than together— and Bokuto despised it. 

He wanted you to be by his side as he triumphed over whatever life had to throw at him, and he wanted to be by yours when you did the same. Just how many victories did he miss? How many times had he been unable to stay by your side and say how proud he was to be your best friend? How many nights did he stay up before a match craving your comfort and reassurance like you used to give him when he was feeling down in the dumps?

How many nights has it been since he longed for you? How long has it been since he first fell in love?

Bokuto was no fool. Sure, he would act that way sometimes, and most of the time, he really was a fool. But when it came to you, he was no more foolish than a wise man seeking for knowledge. You were the one he wanted to be with, the one he wanted to protect from the harsh reality of the world. You were his first love and the love that he wanted to hold on to until he whispered his last breaths; until wrinkles formed atop your beautiful skin; until the last figments of his youth finally trickled away into distant memories. 

So when his mother gave him your love letter the night before, Bokuto was ecstatic. 

He couldn’t describe the feeling that coursed through his veins. It was like the first spring after a freezing winter. When the ice-cold snow finally melts under the sun’s comforting rays, when the birds and bees finally spring into life and frolic through the wind like the free creatures they were, when the first flower blooms spectacularly, radiant beauty flourishing amidst the barren trees.   
Spring was a season of hope, of light coming back after an endless darkness, the beginning of a new day. And spring was what Bokuto found within the confines of the old, wrinkled paper signed under your name. 

You had loved him. Or rather, you still love him, Bokuto hoped as he clutched the letter to his chest, smiling giddily like a boy struck by cupid’s arrow for the very first time, drunk on his infatuation with you. He reads your words over and over again, eyes glistening on the withered ink as if it were the most precious thing on the planet— and it probably was because it gave your emotions meaning and life. 

You want him, just as much as he wants you. You desire to hold hands as you walk down the old cobblestone path that led to home; you craved to be able to cheer him on with brimming confidence, just like you used to, sporting his jersey on your figure and claiming to the world that he was yours and you were his. You wished to hold him close at night, to pepper him in tender kisses and loving pecks, to remind him just how much he meant to you— how he was your sun, and you were a mere planet revolving around his orbit. 

Bokuto could feel his heart leap in his chest when you addressed him like how you used to. That fond nickname written in vibrant ink; four letters that meant the universe to him. Taro. The name sounded so familiar and warm, even if it were merely letters written on a sheet of paper. It was way better than the stiff, unfamiliar calling of his last name, haunting his mind and dawning unto him that the two of you had indeed grown apart, breaking his heart momentarily.

But the moment he sees ‘Taro’ written in your loveable handwriting, Bokuto can feel within his system that this felt right. Bokuto was a name he shared with his family; his mom, his dad, his older sisters, and pretty much the rest of the world. But Kotaro belonged to him, and only him, and Taro was a name that belonged to you and only you. 

Bokuto was so hopelessly in love with you, so much so that he knew that he just had to tell you right away. He had to confess of his undying adoration for your mind, body, and soul— for every single part of you, even the ones that you thought were flawed. He had to tell you that you meant just as much to him as he did to you, perhaps even way more. 

He just had to tell you of his love, but how could he when it somehow felt as if you were trying to hide from him?

“Oh, okay,” Bokuto mutters, hair deflating and pout forming on his lips. “Can you tell her I stopped by and want to talk to her?” He asks dejectedly. Bokuto isn’t sure why, but the thought of you wanting to hide from him makes his heart shatter and his stomach churn uncomfortably. Maybe you had regretted giving him the letter? But how could that be when your words spoke to him so sweetly as if you were spilling everything you had on that piece of paper like your life depended on it. 

“Sure,” Yukie says, frowning slightly at the dejected look on Bokuto’s face. “I’ll tell her you came,” Bokuto nodded, gratefully smiling at her, but it was no use; he still couldn’t get the crushing feeling away from his chest. 

This was his so-called ‘emo mode,’ as his peers liked to call it. It was a time where Bokuto felt like nothing in the world could go right. As if all his confidence had been drained from him and chucked to the side like it was nothing. It was a time where Bokuto could clearly see all his flaws and imperfections and was blindsided to all the loveable and cherishable parts of him. 

He wasn’t sure when this emo mode of his had first sprouted, but if he had to pinpoint a moment to where all of this started, it was for sure sometime after the two of you had drifted apart. For as long as he could remember, you were his support system. You were there to cheer him on when it felt like the world was against him. You were there to bring back a smile on his face when it was turned all the way upside down. 

You were always there for him until suddenly you weren’t.

Bokuto had always been confused about why the two of you drifted apart. When he had asked his older sister about it, she could only smile at him sadly and ruffle his hair. “Why do you think you’re not spending time with (Y/N)?” She had asked, and Bokuto moped, not knowing the answer. “I don’t know,” his younger self finally says, after a moment of thinking. “Is it because I started playing volleyball?”

To that, his sister had smiled again, nodding in agreement. “That’s right, Ko,” Bokuto remembers how tears had sprung in his eyes at his sister’s words, with him thrashing around in refusal. “But why?” He had cried, teardrops streaming down his face. “Why can’t she hang out with me anymore?! I want to hang out with (Y/N)! I’ll quit volleyball if I have to!”

Bokuto’s sister sighed before gently grasping him by the shoulders and forcing him to look at her. “Ko, do you think (Y/N) would like it if you gave up volleyball?”

“No!” He had responded, confused. “But I don’t care! I wanna be with (Y/N)!” His sister lamented, a worn-out smile once again forming on her lips. “Think of it this way, if you and (Y/N) had to choose between chocolate and ice cream, and each of you could only have one, what would you pick?” 

Bokuto pondered on it for a while, tears drying in the process. “I don’t know!” He exclaimed, pouting. “They’re both yummy!” There’s a small silence between the two siblings as Bokuto thinks on it for a bit more. “But (Y/N) would definitely choose ice cream! Because I always get a toothache after eating it!”

“That’s right,” his sister nodded, bringing Bokuto to her lap. “She chose for you because your heart is too big to choose for yourself. And that’s exactly what she’s doing now.”

Bokuto had never truly understood his sister’s words until now. He never truly understood the gravity of the situation you both found yourself in. But as he grew up, he had realized that you had taken the burden of choosing for him— even at the expense of your own happiness. He couldn’t help but curse himself for not realizing it sooner. How could he let you suffer like that? How could he let you carry the weight of that decision on your shoulders? How could he be such a bad friend?

He should have stayed by his decision; he should have fought for a way for you to be able to hang out despite his unrelenting trainings. He was determined to achieve his dream, that was for sure, but he didn’t want to achieve it without you standing by his side. 

You were too important to him for him to risk that. 

So, with a heavy heart, as Bokuto retreated to the gym to release his sorrows unto the unsuspecting volleyballs, he decided that no matter how many times you would run away from him, he would follow after you. 

After all, there was no way in hell that Bokuto would let you slip away from his arms once more. 

Oddly enough, it had been a few days since Bokuto’s first attempt to talk to you after that catastrophe. You had been on high alert for the past few days, trying to steer away from any sight of him. But strangely, he was nowhere to be found. 

When you had told Yukie that the reason you were hiding from him was because your mother had accidentally sent your love letter to him, she had laughed. And it wasn’t because she was mocking you for your terrible situation— no, that wasn’t the least of her worries. It was the fact that you were too afraid to even face Bokuto that had her giving out unbelieving chuckles. 

If only she could tell you about Bokuto’s never-ending adoration for you. Of the many times he had talked their ear off about the way you did your hair or how your new jacket made you look so charming. Or how many times he just wanted to wrap you up in his own jacket and revel in the way it made you look so soft and made him feel as if he were protecting you. 

If only she could talk about the many romantic fantasies that clouded Bokuto’s mind. But, alas, it was not her place to say. So, she had let you be, although she dropped the situation with a gentle reminder that regardless of what Bokuto had to say, you shouldn’t be hiding from him and should be facing him head-on. 

But you were too afraid to do so. It was like the thoughts that were clouding your mind were gatekeeping you from confronting Bokuto. They chanted hex after hex to keep you at bay, plaguing your mind with scenarios of rejection and a broken friendship, of the last crumbs of whatever relationship the two of you had turning into dust— and you wanted to stray away from that. So, if protecting what you had meant running away, then you would gladly do so for the remainder of your high school days. 

However, what you hadn’t expected was how relentless Bokuto would be  
.   
Currently, it was just a little bit after dismissal, and you were in your class, helping out with the decorative arch that would surround the door frame to your classroom. The class had decided that the entrance would resemble the infamous magic castle of Disneyland, so your task was to make that fantasy come to life. At the moment, you were in the process of painting the cardboard into different shades of gray and blue to resemble the brick wall that coated the outer layer of the actual castle in the infamous theme park. 

Earphones on and phone blasting music from your favorite playlist, you were so entranced into your work that you didn’t notice Bokuto’s figure running up to you with a determined gaze on his face. However, with a stroke of luck, you had looked up and locked eyes with his own, feeling your blood run cold, knowing exactly why he was approaching you. 

So, hastily, you stood up, abandoning your project that was halfway done and grabbing your painting supplies before quickly mumbling about how you needed to borrow some more paint from the art club and bolting out there, trying your best to get away from Bokuto. 

“(Y/N)! Wait!” He called as you rushed down the stairs. You turned to him, a sheepish yet panicked smile on your face, trying to hide the furor of emotions that were churning from within you. “Sorry, Bokuto-kun,” you call from your shoulder, still heading down the stairs. “I’m kind of busy right now. Talk to you later!”

You couldn’t help but feel bad, seeing the disheartened look on Bokuto’s face as you walk out of his sight. But no matter how pitiful he looked nor how much you saw it as a sign that he wasn’t mad or pissed at you, your mind wouldn’t allow you to go back. It kept reminding you of how rejection was just one conversation away, and if you wanted to save yourself from the heartbreak, then you should stir away from anything that had to do with him; not knowing it was hurting him in the process. 

When you had returned back to the classroom, a good thirty minutes after you left, to your surprise, Bokuto was still there, sitting by the piece you were working on with a frown on his face. Yukie was trying her best to drag him into the gym as their practice had supposedly begun a couple of minutes ago. Immediately, you hid behind the wall that separated the staircase from the hallway, out of Bokuto and Yukie’s sight, yet near enough for you to listen in on the conversation. 

“Bokuto-kun, come on,” Yukie says, exasperated. “We have to go to practice.” 

“No!” Bokuto refuses, sulking as his arm crosses over his chest. The way his brows furrowed and eyes flickered with an emotion you couldn’t quite place was an adorable sight, something that pulled on your heartstrings and made you want to smother him into your chest and pecker him with soft touches. But you knew that was something that would never happen. 

“I’m not leaving until (Y/N) returns,” Bokuto continues, and your eyes widen in shock at his words. Was he really that desperate to reject you? Was he that desperate to break your heart into a million pieces and render you unable to move on from the beauty that was him?

“She probably won’t return for a while, Bokuto-kun,” Yukie tries to reason, looking at him with worried eyes as she takes glances at the watch settled onto her wrist. “She’s probably being held up with the art club adviser for some… artistic direction or something, you know? Since she’s not really into painting as much as she is to other kinds of art.”

“I don’t care,” Bokuto grunts, unrelenting and refusing to move from his spot. “I’m not going to practice till I see her.” It’s at this moment that Akaashi Keiji, a good friend of Bokuto’s, emerges from the stairs and greets you politely, despite the confused expression on his face. 

“Good Afternoon (Y/N)-senpai,” he greets. “Why are you hiding in the corner, if I may ask?” You sigh, saying nothing, afraid that if you spoke up, Bokuto would somehow sense that you were there. You knew that wasn’t plausible, but for some reason, you couldn’t help but feel as if Bokuto had developed some sort of a sixth sense for you, just as you did for him. It was ridiculous in your opinion, because what reason did he have to even develop such a thing when the two of you were hardly friends?

With a dejected sigh, you point Akaashi towards the hall, to which he takes a peek and raises an eyebrow at the sight of the friend he had admired, his beloved captain, pouting on the floor as if he was throwing a mild tantrum while Yukie was looking around frantically unsure of what to do. After all, when Bokuto’s mind was set on something, it was hard to convince him out of it. 

Akaashi lets out a small grunt of understanding, sighing as he brings his fingers to his temples, rubbing them as an attempt to chase away the growing irritation that was beginning to build on him. Of course, Bokuto would want to skip practice just to see you. The moment you had accidentally sent him your love letter, all Bokuto could talk about to Akaashi was you. And as much as he loved seeing his best friend happy and in love, he couldn’t help but sigh at moments like this. 

Internally, Akaashi wished that you would just go out there and talk to him so that this whole nonsense would be over, but alas, he wasn’t you. He wasn't sure of what exactly was going through your head that made you want to run away from Bokuto, but one thing was for sure that he was going to respect your wishes. And if you didn’t want to speak to Bokuto, then there was nothing he could do to stop you. Well, with the exception of dragging the stubborn captain to practice. 

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says as he walks up to the duo. Yukie looks at him as if he were her saving grace. As if she had finally gotten her first sip of water after walking endlessly along a hot desert. Akaashi Keiji was truly somewhat of a savior to the student body of Fukurodani because he was the only person, aside from you, who could somehow tame the bubble of energy that was Bokuto Kotaro. 

“Oh, Akaashi,” Bokuto mutters half-heartedly, his pout growing even more at the sight of his best friend. “What are you doing here?” 

“I should be asking you the same thing Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says, giving Bokuto an unimpressed glance. “We’re supposed to be at practice right now, but what are you doing here?” 

“Waiting for (Y/N), of course!” Bokuto explains as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m gonna tell her how I feel!” Yukie smiles slightly, enamored at the way Bokuto showed his love for you. It was apparent to not only her but also everyone around them that Bokuto was in love with you. There was a different spark in Bokuto’s eyes whenever he was around you, albeit those times were few and far in between. He had a distinct glow around him whenever he was around you, let alone when he was talking to you. The love Bokuto had for you was so pure and wholesome. If only you could see it beyond the wall of insecurity you had built for yourself. 

“But you’re skipping practice, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi remarks, feeling another sigh forming on his lips. “I thought you made a promise to yourself never to miss practice for (Y/N)-senpai’s sake?” At his words, Bokuto’s determined expression falters, and a twinge of uncertainty flashes through his eyes. Akaashi had just reminded him of something that was just as important to him as confessing of his feelings, and it was the promise he made to you, even if you had no idea of it. 

“Weren’t you going to go to every volleyball practice, become the greatest volleyball player ever, and then go back to (Y/N)-senpai?” The words that fall from Akaashi’s lips baffle you. Your eyes widen in shock, and you find a hand clasped over your lips. Had Bokuto really made a promise like that? Did he really want to come back and mend things with you? You couldn’t believe it. You had always thought that Bokuto was content with the relationship the two of you had developed over the years— of being mere acquaintances from being the best of friends. So to hear that he had promised himself to go back to what you once were after accomplishing his dream tugged at your heartstrings in a way you had never expected. 

It seemed like it was too good to be true. 

Bokuto looks at Akaashi and Yukie, eyes darting back and forth between the two as he’s put in a place of hesitation. Sure, he wanted to talk to you, to confess of his everlasting love and reciprocate your feelings. But would pushing for it at the moment be worth the consequences of possibly breaking the promise he had made to you? Akaashi did have a point. Volleyball practices only came by once every few days, but the opportunity to talk to you could be controlled at the palm of his hands. Besides, it looked like you weren’t returning any time soon. 

“Fine!” Bokuto exclaims, brooding slightly as he jumps up to his feet, stretching slightly. “But if I can’t talk to (Y/N) by this week, then I’m totally placing all the blame on you two.” Akaashi and Yukie look at each other, sighing in relief that they had somehow managed to convince the hard-headed captain to go to practice. With a gentle smile, Akaashi softly pushes Bokuto down the hall, trusting that you were already sprinting out of his way. 

“Yes, yes, Bokuto-san, you can take it out on me, or you can take it out during practice today. I’m sure that if you give your best, (Y/N)-senpai will be very impressed with you.” Yukie runs after the two, giving Bokuto a bright smile as she agrees with her junior. “Akaashi-kun’s right, Bokuto-kun! If you give your all during practice, then (Y/N) will be happy!” 

At the two’s encouragement, Bokuto perks up, eyes glistening with a unique spark that was specially reserved just for you; the glow in his eyes shimmering in the increasingly darkening hallway. “You’re right!” He exclaims, throwing his fists into the air. “I’m going to do great at practice, become the number one ace, and then talk to (Y/N)! Hey! Hey! Hey!” Yukie and Akaashi smile at each other, throwing their hands in the air and shouting their own ‘Hey! Hey! Hey’s’ in order to encourage and appease their overly excited friend. 

As they head down the stairs, they fail to notice your figure sitting on the edge of the flight above them, hands clasped over your mouth and eyes burrowed in confusion. You couldn’t understand the flurry of feelings that were circling your mind. However, the one thing that you knew for sure was that Bokuto wanted to talk to you. And while your heart was beginning to feel hopeful that maybe Bokuto wanted to talk about rekindling what you had lost, your mind had quickly shut that thought down, continuing to torment your thoughts with scenarios of Bokuto rejecting you and claiming that every burst of joy that he had around you was a well-calculated lie. 

And you hated that you listened to those gut-wrenching ideas, despite how much you wanted to follow your heart. You wish you could, but you couldn’t. And you had absolutely no idea why.

The third time Bokuto Kotaro had attempted to talk to you was during lunch break a few days later, just a day before the cultural festival. 

It was a slow day for the student body. With the upcoming cultural festival dawning on them, most lessons were temporarily halted in favor of giving students more preparation time for the festival. After all, despite the cultural festival being a day where the students’ could celebrate their talents, it was also a day where schools could build a reputation amongst other schools and draw potential future students’ attention towards them. So, in a way, the stakes were high. 

And because the stakes were so high, the preparations for your class’s cafe were exasperating, in fact, you could say that it was just as tiring as what you had to do for your club activities. Along with the collaboration event with all the other classes who were doing cafes for the festival, preparing the decorations for your own cafe was just as tedious. 

Earlier that morning, your class had occupied the cooking room, doing test runs on the food that you would serve; and if you were to be completely honest, it wasn’t a pleasant experience. Sure, the prospect of eating free food during school instead of learning about calculus and chemistry sounded terrific. But when you were eating the same three dishes over and over again for the majority of the time, even that could get pretty tiring. 

“Man,” Yukie says, rubbing her stomach as she takes a peek at her lunchbox. “I’m stuffed~" She exclaims, huffing. "I shouldn’t have brought lunch today if I knew we were going to be eating all morning.”

“Same,” you agree, poking at your own boxed lunch. “But it’s such a shame not to eat; I don’t want to waste all of this.” It’s silent for a while, and you look up at your best friend, who looks back at you with a teasing smirk. Her eyes dart back and forth from behind you and to your figure, and you can already tell what’s happening. 

You stand up abruptly, quickly packing your lunchbox. “Oh geez,” you mumble loudly, glaring at Yukie and urging her to pack her food as well. “I just remembered I had to do something for my club. Mind accompanying me, Yukie?” 

Confused and unsure, Yukie looks behind you once more, eyes locking with Bokuto’s, who was approaching you with eyes that told her that he wouldn’t let you slip away from him, and she found herself in a point of conflict. 

On one hand, she would be respecting your wishes, even if it meant allowing you to run away and creating more confusion for one of her closest friends. On the other hand, she would somewhat lose your trust if she allowed Bokuto to talk to you, even if it meant that you would finally hear what he has to say. 

But despite how much she wanted to play cupid, she knew that this was a battle that she couldn’t interfere with. The only thing she could do was give you that necessary push so you could finally talk to him. So, giving Bokuto an apologetic look, she quickly packs up her lunch and follows you out the door, looking back over her shoulder to silently tell Bokuto not to follow them, finding her heart shattering at the dejected look that forms on his face. 

As Bokuto watches you walk out the door, he couldn’t help but feel his heart break once more. You were running away from him again. And for what? Why? Why were you avoiding him? All he wanted to do was tell of his love for you, so why was it so hard to do so? Why was it so difficult to confess his feelings for you?

Was it because you hadn’t meant what you had said and wanted to spare him from the heartbreak? If so, why did Yukie encourage his actions with such a warm smile? Was she playing with him too? Was she in on the gig you were playing on him to shatter and tear his heart into pieces? He wouldn’t be able to handle it if that were the truth. 

“Bokuto-san?” Akaashi’s voice cuts in, startling him. Although it wasn’t enough to bring back the life in his eyes. Bokuto looks at Akaashi with sad, melancholic eyes, and Akaashi can’t help but feel the alarm in his head go off. What had happened this time for Bokuto to go into emo mode again? And it seemed as if this time, his emo mode was much more intense than usual.   
“What’s wrong?” He asked again, shocked at the sight of tears forming on the corners of Bokuto’s eyes. When they slip and eventually fall, Akaashi quickly guides Bokuto out of the cafeteria and into a quiet corner, handing him a tissue to wipe away the snot and tears that had accumulated on his face. 

“(Y/N), s-she…” Bokuto began, blowing his nose into the tissue before continuing, “She’s running away from me again!” He wails, laying his hands on Akaashi’s lap and bawling into his arms, creating a damp spot on his well-washed school pants. “Why is she running away from me? Did I do something wrong, Akaashi?” A frown forms on Akaashi’s lips at the pained expression on his friend’s face. 

To Akaashi, Bokuto was the light at the end of a tunnel. He was one of the people he admired and respected greatly. His pure passion and talent for volleyball and his contagious joy were some of the things Akaashi liked about him. No matter what he did or what he was doing, Bokuto always took it in a stride and faced it head-on. But with you, it was obviously different. 

He had known from the very beginning that you were special to Bokuto. From the very first time Akaashi had met Bokuto, he had known that his heart had been utterly and completely devoted to you. Although volleyball was his dream, he had always talked about how he wanted to realize it with you by his side, and Akaashi had always found that admirable. 

To be able to find someone that you wanted to spend forever with at such a young age was something extraordinary and something that should be cherished for the rest of his life. So to see Bokuto so broken over you, with eyes glossed over in tears, and heart spilling out from his chest. Akaashi knew that his love for you was true. 

His only wish that you would be able to see the same. 

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi calls softly, encouraging his older friend to sit up as he wiped the tears from his face. In all honesty, Bokuto looked like a small, dejected puppy despite being way taller and more built than him. Perhaps it was one of Bokuto’s seemingly infinite charms, Akaashi wasn’t sure. But what he was sure of, was that this side of him was amusing. 

“I don’t think you did anything wrong, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says, giving him a sympathetic and kind smile as he hands Bokuto the tissue and leans back into the staircase. “Then why is she running away from me?” Bokuto asks, voice hoarse and raspy from the outburst of his tears as he wipes the remaining streams from his face, trying to calm himself down. 

“I’m not sure,” Akaashi says honestly, “I’m not very good at understanding what goes on in a girl’s head, but perhaps she isn’t scared of you, but rather she’s scared of losing what the two of you have?” 

It’s evident by the look on Bokuto’s face that he’s confused about what he had just said. After all, it’s a concept that’s so peculiar for someone as simple-minded as Bokuto. Yet, Akaashi just gives him a gentle smile before continuing. “Think about it, Bokuto-san. Even if you still considered yourselves as the best of friends, you haven’t had a proper conversation or a proper friend date in years, and no matter how much the two of you care for each other from afar, you can’t deny that there’s still some sort of distance between the two of you after all this time.”

“B-but…” Bokuto protests, but he’s unable to form the words that he wants to say on his lips, his thoughts scrambling all throughout him as he tries to make sense of what Akaashi was trying to tell him. Akaashi, on the other hand, takes Bokuto’s silence as a sign of continue. “You mentioned that she gave you a love letter, right?” 

Bokuto nods, allowing Akaashi to speak before he can even comment on the rapid slew of information that’s been thrown at him. “Have you ever considered the fact that she’s scared of being rejected?” At the sight of Bokuto’s bewildered expression, Akaashi takes that as a no. “I mean, you’ve been separated for so many years, and all of a sudden, she sends you a love letter. If that were me, I would highly expect to be rejected.” 

Bokuto lets Akaashi’s words sink in, trying to grasp the reality of the situation, and he realizes that he’s right. He was so caught up in his promise of reaching his peak before going back to you that he hadn’t realized what that distance would actually do. Like a fool, he was confident in the fact that there would be no tear in your relationship even after so much time spent apart. But, the harsh reality was hitting him smack dab in the face. He hated to admit it, but there was a divide between the two of you; an unintentional divide, but a divide nonetheless. 

He hadn’t even thought of the possibility of you thinking that he would reject you because all this time, he had held on to the hope that things wouldn’t change between the two of you. That even after all these years, he could come back to you, and things would just flow as they usually were. And probably in any other situation, it would have gone the way Bokuto had thought.   
But with love, it was a different story. Love was a lot more complicated. It had a lot more repercussions than friendship did. It was much more intimate, much more vulnerable. It was deciding to give everything you had to one person, hoping that they wouldn’t tear and smash it into pieces. It was the hope that these uncontrollable feelings wouldn’t be thrown around like a toy and would be taken sincerely and seriously. With love in the picture, things couldn’t go back to normal, no matter how much the two of you desired it to. 

Even if Bokuto didn’t return your feelings and just wanted to remain friends, it would be impossible. Because judging by the way you wrote out your feelings for him, you had loved him profoundly, more than he could ever imagine. His rejection would only wound you so deep that the scars would never go away no matter how much time would pass. 

It hurt Bokuto; it troubled him deeply to realize that you were carrying the burden of this situation all on your own, preparing yourself for the worst. He knew you were more empathetic as a person, you were so much more in tune with your emotions and feelings than anyone he had ever known, so of course, you would try to protect yourself from the heartbreak. Of course, you would prevent yourself from breaking into a million pieces without anyone being there to pick them up one by one and mend them back together. Of course, you would try to run away.   
Suddenly all the negative emotions that clouded Bokuto’s mind became clear, and he was now sure of what he had to do. With a grateful smile, he gently wraps Akaashi in a hug, squeezing softly to convey just how thankful he was to have a friend to guide him in the right direction, even if he was a year younger than him. 

“Thank you, Akaashi!” He exclaims, giving the stunned male a bright grin. “You’re the best!” With a resolute gaze, this time much more vehement than before, Bokuto runs out, and although he has no clear destination or any idea of where you could possibly be, he still sets out to find you, knowing that if he put his mind to it, you would come to him. 

He would not let you go. He would not allow you to fall down this spiral of self-destruction. Bokuto will tell you that he loves you, even if it was the last thing he would do. 

“(Y/N), you can’t keep doing this, you know?” Yukie says, catching up to you and walking by your side. The two of you had just made it out of the cafeteria. Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest, trying to calm down from the rush of adrenaline from your almost encounter with Bokuto. 

You spare her a glance, biting the inside of your cheek as you try to pry her worry of your shoulders. “What are you talking about, Yukie?” You ask, trying to pass off as oblivious. “What can’t I keep doing?”

“Running away!” Yukie exclaims, grabbing your hand and stopping you. “You have to stop running away from him (Y/N). It’s not right. You and Bokuto are only hurting the more you run away from him!”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” You ask, exasperated. “What am I supposed to do, Yukie? I can’t just confront him and willingly allow myself to break before him… I wouldn’t be able to handle that pain…”

Yukie watches you with sorrowful eyes as you two take a seat on some random bench in the school courtyard. It hurt her to see you in so much pain, knowing that if you just took that risk, you would find yourself in a whole euphoria of joy and happiness. She wanted to do everything she could to help you; you were one of the people she cherished, after all. But, at the moment, she was at a loss and had no idea what to do. 

“I know that Bokuto wouldn’t hurt me that badly,” you whisper, burying your face into your hands. “I can feel that he’s not going to break my heart nor hurt me, but my mind just keeps telling me the opposite... We’ve been apart for years, Yukie! And after how many years, out of the blue, he suddenly receives a love letter from me… There’s no way that he would like me back. There’s just no way…”

A sob leaves your dry lips as you try to calm yourself down, but the adrenaline that rushes through your veins is too intense, and you can feel yourself crashing down into deep depths. Yukie circles her arms around you, bringing you to her chest as she tries to comfort you to the best of her ability. 

“Oh (Y/N),” she mutters caringly as you cry into her chest, not caring if her uniform would get wet. “If Bokuto truly wanted to reject you, do you think he would go this far just to talk to you?” Silence falls between the two of you as you take in her words, sniffling. “What do you mean?” You ask timidly, looking up at her with a confused gaze. 

“Be honest with me (Y/N), would you really chase someone that much just to reject them?” Yukie observes the way you ponder on her words before shaking your head soon after. “No, right? If it were me and I wanted to reject somebody, I’d either ghost them or just text them sorry… not the best thing to do, I know…”

You let out a small giggle at that, feeling the sadness begin to subside the more you listen to Yukie’s calming voice. “But that’s beside the point,” she continues. “Think about it (Y/N). If Bokuto were to reject someone, he’d probably send either Akaashi or me to do it because he’s too scared to actually reject them.” There’s a semblance of truth in Yukie’s words. Bokuto had always been a rather timid person, despite how confidently he carried himself in everything he did. But when it came to dealing with people who cared for him and who he cared about, Bokuto could act like the shyest person in the world, like a lost puppy almost. 

You remember a time back when the two of you were kids where Bokuto had accidentally hurt a classmate of yours in the face. That classmate had cried hysterically, wailing and thrashing in the teacher’s arms as she brought them to the infirmary. Bokuto had felt terrible once it happened, to the point where he himself almost burst into tears if it was not for your constant reassurance that it wasn’t his fault and that it was just an accident. 

He was so embarrassed of himself that he couldn’t even handle facing that classmate of yours even after the incident had subsided. It was you that had apologized in his place, with Bokuto hiding meekly behind you, peeking at your classmate before hiding into the comfort of your back. The classmate had accepted the apology, reluctantly of course., After all, the puppy eyes Bokuto gave them in the few moments that he peeked out from his hiding place made him seem truly sincere and genuine. Plus, it was weird for most of the kids in your class to see Bokuto not chanting that he was the king of the world every chance he could get. 

Bokuto was someone who, if he cared about you, would be genuine in everything that had to do with you. Whether it be good or bad. So you knew that even if your mind was screaming to you that Bokuto would take your heart in his calloused hands and slam it to the floor, breaking it so bad to the point of no repair, your subconscious knew that Bokuto wasn’t anything like that. 

Regardless of what he actually felt about you, Bokuto would take your heart and treat it with the utmost care, even if he had to let it go sooner or later. His rough, calloused hands would hold the fragments of your love as if it were the most precious thing in the universe, and he would never allow you to shatter. Sure, you’d land to the ground with a harsh thud, the impact of his rejection still apparent no matter how gentle Bokuto would try to be with you. But at least you could take comfort in the fact that it wouldn’t hurt as severely as you expected it to. 

“You know I’m right,” Yukie continues, giving you a knowing look, and you can feel yourself biting your cheek in embarrassment, a silent ode to the truth hidden within her words. However, while her encouragement did somehow settle the troubled waters of your aching heart, there were still a few waves that just couldn’t back down, rocking you with wave after wave of uncertainty, as if it was the last thing it could do before leaving you altogether. 

“But, what if—“ Your words are hushed by Yukie’s finger gently set upon your pursed lips. She gives you a warning. With her eyes closed, head shaking in disapproval, you know better than to continue down that spiral of ambiguity, placing your trust on the words of encouragement your best friend would spew. “No ifs and buts, missy,” Yukie hushes. “Now that you’ve realized that Bokuto would never break you, you have to confront him. Sure, sending the letter may have been a mistake, but it really doesn’t have to be. Whether or not Bokuto accepts or rejects you—although I highly doubt that he will,” She mutters the last part silently, just slightly out of your reach. “You can take it as a starting point to a new chapter in your life, you know?”

Yukie takes your confusion as a sign to continue, choosing to look up at the setting sun so as to not falter with her words. “If he accepts you, then that’s great. You’ll finally rekindle that spark that the two of you had left behind years ago and light it anew with your feelings for each other. If her rejects you, then… that’ll suck, for sure. But that’s part of life, am I right? You’ll get hurt, you’ll feel pain, but at the same time, you’ll move on and find happiness in setting him free.”

You’re glad that Yukie is unable to see you at the moment; grateful that she can’t see the way your eyes gloss over with thankful tears, the way your heart warms at the realization that you had a best friend that you could rely on when the going gets tough. That, no matter how many trials you would go through, you could count on her just as much as she could count on you. There are no words that could formulate just how much you appreciate Yukie dealing with the insecurities that plagued your mind and encouraging you to move beyond the box that you had trapped yourself in for the longest time. 

“So please, (Y/N)? Do both of us a favor and talk to him. It’s what you both need right now.” Yep. You were eternally grateful that Yukie was your friend. With a gentle nod, you remove yourself from her embrace, only to hug her once more, hoping that the affection you give would convey everything you wished to say. It’s not easy to stick by someone’s side when they were going through tough times, and you hoped that she knew just how much you appreciated her keeping up with your antics, no matter how foolish they were. 

“Alright,” you mutter, pulling away and giving Yukie a gentle smile. “I’ll talk to him.” Yukie finally lets out a sigh of relief that she didn’t know she had pent up deep inside of her. Finally, the two of you would talk it out and move on from this painful momentum of push and pull. Finally, the two of you would realize just how much you desired each other; The two of you would finally understand what it means to fall in love. 

“Go get him, tiger,” Yukie teases, patting your back as she watches you playfully salute to her before running off to find Bokuto, wherever he may be. Honestly, dealing with your complicated emotions could be a handful sometimes, but Yukie never paid it any mind. After all, when you were happy, you shone the brightest. And as your best friend and someone who also cared deeply about Bokuto’s happiness, she knew that you would be able to find greater joy with each other. 

So, as she leans back against the bench, arm hovering over her eyes, she sighs. It’s a heavy sigh, one that releases all the frustration and disbelief that she’s developed over the whole situation. But nevertheless, despite how heavy it felt, it was lightweight and a sigh that made Yukie feel relieved. 

Although, She really wasn’t getting paid enough to deal with all of this. 

You’re honestly not sure how you and Bokuto found each other. The school’s campus was huge, and running around aimlessly without an exact destination in mind was almost like running through a maze, knowing absolutely nothing about it. It was borderline hilarious to you, actually. You had been running for what felt like an eternity, yet the energetic love of your life was nowhere to be seen, almost as if he had disappeared when you know that wasn’t the case. 

It was still lunch break, after all. There was no way Bokuto would just disappear, especially when he had been so determined to talk to you. But after so much running and moments where you almost got caught by your teachers, you were beginning to lose hope. You had searched practically everywhere. From the lunch hall, in which you had met Akaashi who had informed you that Bokuto was looking for you, to your classroom, in which there wasn’t even a single person inside, to Bokuto’s classroom, in which you had made a fool of yourself by dramatically slamming the door open, only to be met by the confused stares of the people inside. 

The only place that you hadn’t checked was the school gym, where Bokuto spent most of his free time. Frankly, you weren’t sure what you were going to do if Bokuto wasn’t going to be there. Time was ticking, and sooner or later, the bell would ring, forcing you to head back to class and continue with the preparations for tomorrow’s event. But you were sure that if you didn’t listen and confess now, then you would be unable to focus for the rest of the day. It was now or never. 

You open the heavy doors of the gym, panting, slightly out of breath. To your dismay, what greeted you was the empty darkness of the usually flourishing room, no sight of human life anywhere. Disappointment courses through you as you take in the sight, sad that you weren’t able to find the one man you had been longing for now that you had finally come into terms with your feelings. 

“(Y/N)?” It’s funny. Perhaps you’re in such a disarray that you’re beginning to imagine hearing his voice. Maybe your heart was trying to comfort you by allowing your thoughts to wander long enough where you were starting to hear Bokuto’s voice, even when he wasn’t there. 

“(Y/N), is that you?” It’s when you finally feel Bokuto’s familiar and robust presence that you realize that you weren’t imagining things at all. Behind you, looking at you with eyes that screamed as if he had finally found a great treasure, was Bokuto Kotaro, in the flesh. 

And suddenly, it feels like your whole world had stopped. 

At this point, you had no idea what to do. Sure, Yukie had convinced you to finally hear what Bokuto had to say, to give him a chance and stop running away from him. But now that you were actually doing it, you had no clue what you were supposed to do. Were you supposed to say hi? Shrug it off and greet him as if you hadn’t been running away from him for the past few days? Wouldn’t that make matters even worse? Gosh, you were so awkward around him; it would honestly be a miracle if he actually liked you. 

“You won’t run away this time, right?” Gosh, the pure brokenness in Bokuto’s voice made your stomach churn in the worst way possible. It was as if you had abandoned a lost puppy for a few days and had returned only to find that it had been devastated by your absence and was now too fragile to ever break. It was so strange to hear Bokuto speak in soft whispers, almost as if he were scared of losing you again. You didn’t like the way it sounded in your ears. You much preferred it when Bokuto was happy and alive, much like he usually is. And it pained you, knowing you were the reason for his sudden fragility. 

You turn to face him, struggling to swallow a lump that had formed in your throat. Your eyes roam the crevices of his body, taking in the way he was hunching down on himself, almost as if he had lost all the confidence and energy that he would usually exude. You could tell that he was putting up a front. It was evident with the way he made sure that he seemed headstrong even though, in anyone else’s eyes, the fragments of vulnerability were evident and rampant. It hurt you to see him like this. 

“I won’t,” you whisper back, eyes softening as you bring your hands together. Not knowing what else to do, you take a seat on the steps that line up to the gym’s entrance, giving Bokuto a reassuring smile as much as you could muster. “I’m done running away.”

Bokuto perks up at that, searching your eyes to see if there were any remnants of lies to be seen, but he found none. His heart begins to drum heavy beats within his chest as he finally registers in his mind that this is it. This was the moment he had been waiting for forever since he had opened that damned love letter. This was the moment that could make or break whatever the two of you had, and Bokuto prayed to every star in the sky that he would not mess this up and that he would be able to make you believe in the endless love that he holds, especially for you.   
He moves to take a seat beside you, leaving some space in between for you two to breathe. The two of you sit in comfortable silence, not knowing where to start or even what to touch upon. It was almost as if the words were frozen on the tips of your tongues, not wanting to fall out in case it would be the start of an endless chaos. But Bokuto finds the courage to speak, remembering Akaashi’s words from earlier today, and turns to you, eyes burning with sincerity and determination. 

“I read your letter,” he simply says, and you have no idea why, but you can feel your heart drop at his words. You knew that at the back of your mind, you had somehow hoped that Bokuto hadn’t seen your letter. That his mom had somehow forgotten about it, and it was still locked up within the confines of her overly large purse, confessions hidden from ever being seen. A small part of you had wished that Bokuto was approaching you to merely rekindle your friendship rather than to confront you about the sappy love letter you wrote for him when you were so deep in your thoughts at the wee hours of the morning. 

But alas, not all dreams could be fulfilled, and you knew that the small wish you held deep within your heart was just that, a wish. One that would never come true. A silence befalls the two of you once again as your hearts and minds try to come up with the right words to say in this situation. The desire to not mess up; to clearly convey the wishes that were engraved deep within your soul apparent in your faces. 

“I’m sorry,” you mutter, fiddling with your fingers as you look down at your lap, trying to avoid Bokuto’s intense gaze. “It was probably a lot, right? I honestly hadn’t meant to send that letter. My mom did it without permission.” Your words bring a new wave of complexity into Bokuto’s heart as he frowns. Had you really wanted to keep your feelings from him? Had you not meant to confess because you didn’t want anything to happen between the two of you? No. Bokuto could not believe it. He was sure that the genuine vulnerability that lay in between the lines of your heartfelt emotions was not a lie. He was convinced that your desires of taking him to the moon and back were not empty. It just couldn’t be fake; there was no way it was. 

“You don’t have to say anything about it,” you continue, feeling your heart crack at the silence. “It was probably a weird thing to go through, huh. I mean, I can imagine,” there’s a dry chuckle that escapes your lips as you continue to speak, the condescending tone that rings throughout it, forming tiny cracks in Bokuto's heart. “We haven’t spoken in years, yet the way we’re finally talking again is because of a love letter. That must have been really surprising for you…” You finally muster the courage to look up at Bokuto, offering him a sad smile that reached all the way to your eyes. 

“So you don’t have to give me an answer. You can even ignore it if you want,” There’s a small part of you that’s screaming at you to take back your words. To tell him of how much you longed for closure, longed to hear his answer fall from his beautiful lips, and whether or not it would make or break you, you wouldn’t really care, so long as you were able to hear him. “No pressure.”

The silence that follows your words is deafening, and you can feel your heart sinking deep within your chest, almost to the point where it’s closing itself off from the rest of the world in order to protect the rampant beat of its’ own drum. You’re not sure of what Bokuto is thinking. For once, the overly excited male doesn’t have his feelings and emotions written all over his face. For once, Bokuto’s expression is neutral, as if he’s trying to search for the right feelings to convey, an unusual change for you to witness. 

“Were they real?” He finally says, looking you dead in the eyes. All of a sudden, you feel your body light aflame, uncharacteristically shy from the burning gaze that covered Bokuto’s eyes. You had never seen him as passionate as he was now. It was almost as if you had unlocked a new side to Bokuto, a side that you weren’t sure what to feel about. But as his words sink in, you can’t help but feel confused. What did he mean? What was real?

“The letter,” Bokuto clarifies, looking you with fragile eyes as if he was scared to hear an unbearable truth fall from your lips. “Was everything you said in that letter real?” Bokuto desperately needs to hear you say that it was. He desperately needs to hear you say that the love you spoke of within the smudged lines of ink was true. The love that he saw from that letter was a love he didn’t know that he needed. It was a love that was pure, a love that whispered into the deepest crevices of his heart and filled it with endless warmth. It was a warmth that made him feel as if he wanted to drop everything and give you the world, yet at the same time, it made him want to curl up into a ball and relish in the gentleness that was you. 

It was a love that ignited a fire in him. A fire that Bokuto was determined to never let die out. 

It’s that vulnerability that allows the clouds in your mind to truly disappear, to finally see beyond the fog of insecurity that had plagued you for the longest time, and on the other side of that heavy mist, you see him. Bokuto’s very figure, as somber as it was, shone like the bright sun. But it wasn’t the sun that stood proudly in the middle of the day shining its’ warmth and lighting up the world with its’ rays. Rather, at that moment, Bokuto was the setting sun. The sun that was slowly starting to give up, the sun that faded into the night, waiting for the moonlight’s gentle lullaby to fall into deaf ears before finding the courage to rise once more and shine. 

And you were Bokuto’s moonlight. You were the song he needed to hear in order to muster up the courage to be himself again. You were everything he ever needed and more.   
“It was,” you whisper back, finding yourself letting go of the pain and worries that had bound you to this endless cycle of self-doubt. “Every single word.” 

There’s a hitch in Bokuto’s voice as he catches his breath, trying to process the reality that he had desperately longed for. He can feel this overwhelming surge of relief and love fill him up, but rather than let it go, he allows it to simmer, patiently waiting to hear more of your sweet melody. 

“I love you, Taro,” you confess, feeling relief pour out of you like a constant stream. “I have loved you for the longest time; loved you for so long that I thought I was going crazy. I mean, we haven’t had a proper conversation in years. Yet every time I see you, my heart runs laps around my chest, and I feel warm. Just the thought of you makes me feel warm, and suddenly everything in this world seems right.” You chuckle, cursing silently to yourself as you feel tears stream down your face. 

“It’s overwhelming, honestly. I was the one who decided to stay away from you, to distance myself so you could freely chase your dream. Yet with every single day that passes by, I can’t help but want to be closer to you. I want to be the one you look at when you have a good game. I want to be the reason for those insanely bright smiles of yours. I want to be your world, Taro. And I know that it’s incredibly selfish of me to think that way when you probably think of me just as a fri—“

“Please stop,” Bokuto whimpers, breaking down himself. The overwhelming feelings that were simmering within him became overbearing the moment you uttered his beloved nickname. “Please stop putting yourself down like that (Y/N); I hate it.” There’s confusion and emptiness in your eyes as Bokuto takes your hands into his and presses a gentle kiss unto them. 

“Do you know how happy I was when I read your letter?” He asked with shaky breaths. “I was over the moon; on cloud nine even. Because it finally felt like I had found the missing piece to my puzzle. It finally felt like I had found you when all these years I thought that I had lost you.” You look up at him, taking in the way Bokuto holds your hands delicately, entirely different from his carefree nature. 

“All this time, I continued chasing my dream so that I would one day return to you; so that I would one day return to your arms and find the love and warmth that I desperately craved.” Bokuto lets out a chuckle, bringing his forehead down to your intertwined hands like he was saying a prayer. 

“I love you (Y/N),” he confesses. “I love you so so much that sometimes I don’t know what to do with it. I want to pluck every star in the sky and offer it up to you because you deserve it. I want to grow a valley of flowers for you, even though your beauty can hardly compare. I want to be your world just as much as you want to be mine.”

There’s a tender adoration that circulates the air as you two finally let all of your feelings out to each other. Perhaps, this was the most intimate moment of your life. The years of longing had accumulated and taken a toll on both of you, your insecurity and his promises creating a wall of remoteness between the two of you, preventing you from spending the happiest moments of your life with each other; those precious moments of youth that you could have spent by each other’s side bottled up and finally spilling in between the words spoken silently within your silence. 

Like a moth drawn to its’ flame, Bokuto leans his forehead into yours, looking into your eyes with so much love and adoration that you feel it wash over you in gentle waves, leaving sheer warmth in its’ wake. Bokuto looks at you as if you were the only person who mattered to him. As if the distance that had developed between the two of you was nonexistent, a figment of your imagination. He looks at you like all those years of longing had vanished into dust, leaving nothing behind but the pure, raw emotion that was your unadulterated love. Bokuto Kotaro had crawled into your heart, trapping himself within its’ deepest crevices, and was firm in his wish to stay. And if that was his one wish, then you would be happy to oblige. 

“If…” Bokuto says, breaking the silence. “If I could give you the world…would you perhaps love me to the moon and back?”

It’s an innocent question, but one that speaks volumes to your heart. Bokuto looks at you with hopeful eyes, eyes that screamed of his innocence and his willingness to give you his everything, raw, unfiltered, and ready to be torn apart by your hands. He was willing to provide you with his all, trusting you with his heart and hoping that you wouldn’t shatter it into pieces like you had stressed about with yours just moments before. The fact that he trusts you this much, that he was willing to give you the choice to make or break him, stunned you. 

You had been so focused worrying about how Bokuto would treat your own heart that you never pondered what you could possibly do with his. Now that you’re in this position, you realize just how foolish you had been, burying yourself in endless thoughts of futile rejection. You had no problem answering Bokuto’s question because, of course, you would take his heart and caress it as gently as possible, careful not to break it. 

The answer had come so easily to you that you find yourself internally laughing over how much you had antagonized what Bokuto would do. Because judging by the loving look in his eyes, he would do the same as you. Bokuto would take your heart into his hands and love it to the moon and back, praying to the stars that you would do the same.   
And who were you to deny him of that?

“Of course, Taro,” you whisper, staring back into his eyes that gaze at you intensely with so much passion and intimacy. It’s a gaze that mirrors your own, and you can only wish that he could feel it deep within his soul. 

“Forever and Always.”

What happens after that is honestly a blur to both you and Bokuto. With the bell ringing, the two of you were forced to return to your respective classes, with promises of meeting each other after school ended to continue where you had left off. 

When you returned to your classroom, a dazed look on your face, Yukie gives you a knowing look, grabbing you by the arm and ushering you to talk about it with her while the two of you finished painting the castle decorations that would circulate the classroom doors. You had gushed about what had happened between you and Bokuto, eyes brimming with a light that Yukie had never seen in you before. It was almost as if you had been brought out of the hazy mist you were stuck in and was actually able to take a glimpse of the world for what it truly was for the first time. And she was thrilled that you had finally found the happiness you had desperately sought for. 

With Bokuto, he had immediately gone over to Akaashi the moment he got the opportunity to. The solemn sunset that had overwhelmed him turned into a bright sunrise that was much more reminiscent of his indulgent personality, although it was much more subdued as Bokuto could still not shake off the pure awe and adoration he had felt for you during that intimate moment. 

The way Bokuto smiled was different from his usual smiles, Akaashi had noticed as he took in Bokuto’s ecstatic behavior. His smile was much more light, as if a weight was taken off his shoulders, and it probably was. The way Bokuto spoke about you was like you were the most precious thing in the universe, and he was merely a mortal that was passing you by. It was as if he had worshipped the very ground you walk on, yet at the same time, marveled at how you loved him unconditionally by the way he described how you looked into his eyes. 

He was so utterly in love with you, and the sight of that made Akaashi smile. He was glad that the person he had admired for what felt like most of his life was finally given a chance to achieve true happiness. Bokuto was someone that everyone agreed deserved the world. Despite his slightly narcissistic tendencies, his overwhelming energy always lifted everyone’s spirits, and his joy was contagious, to the point where anyone who was having a bad day would immediately smile at the sight of him. 

And although there were times that Bokuto would falter, as shown by his instances of falling into his emo mode, it still brought a smile to others’ faces, oddly enough. Yet, the happiness that Bokuto exuded at the moment was entirely different. It was as if you had peeled through the different layers of Bokuto and unraveled a layer of joy that even Bokuto didn’t know he had. And it was honestly refreshing because anyone could see just how much Bokuto was thriving. 

When the two of you had met after class, you had somehow hoped that he would take you out that night, But of course, with it being the day before the cultural festival, the two of you had to focus on making sure everything was set for the next day. However, Bokuto was quick to reassure you, flashing you his bright smile, that he would take you out tomorrow when you were off of your shift at your class’s cafe, and you had smiled back bashfully, happily obliging at the prospect of an actual date with him. 

And now that day had come. You couldn’t sleep that night, tossing and turning in your bed excitedly. It had gone to the point where you called Bokuto your first video call in years and just basically talked to him until you could no longer, and Bokuto was more than happy to indulge in your wishes. His heart fluttered in his chest at the sight of your sleepy eyes, looking at his so cutely that he had to visibly restrain himself from letting out a squeal. 

Bokuto was on cloud nine. He couldn’t understand how you could be so adorable just merely trying to fight back the sleepiness that was taking over you. Yet, here you were, stealing his heart away and refusing to give it back without even batting an eye. He was so enamored with you that it wasn’t even funny anymore. 

When the day of the cultural festival came, you had woken up excited and more enthusiastic than usual. Your mother had looked at you weirdly when you had trotted down the stairs in your uniform— a replica of Minnie Mouse’s outfit, complete with an adorable set of overpriced mouse ears. You were more excited than usual, and your mother had chalked it up to you being excited about your last cultural festival ever, but in all honesty, you were more excited about having a date with Bokuto more than anything. 

And Bokuto was on the same boat, overly excited to the point where he hadn’t slept a wink at all, mind preoccupied with thoughts of how adorable you looked last night during the call. He couldn’t wait to hang out with you later that day and experience all the cute couple of things that he had merely dreamed of days before. He couldn’t believe that he would finally be able to experience it with you by his side; it honestly felt like a dream. 

During your shift, you were in such a good mood that you had basically embodied your character, much to your classmates’ amusement. Prior to this, you had been a pretty average embodiment of Minnie Mouse. Yet, here you were, having the time of your life, even if you were stuck doing customer service. 

Towards the start of lunch, Bokuto had appeared at your class’s doorway, swooning at the sight of you in an adorable outfit, complimented beautifully with a pair of mouse ears that perfectly accentuated your features. The moment he takes a glimpse of you, Bokuto can feel his heart soar. It was almost too good to be true. Was he really going to go on a date with you after so long of being deprived of your presence? It was almost as if heaven had shined its’ light down at him. 

The two of you had enjoyed the cultural festival to its’ fullest. Bokuto rampant in making sure that you were enjoying yourself all throughout your time together. From treating you to your favorite snacks and meals to making a fool of himself during the infamous goldfish scooping game to ultimately redeeming himself when he wins you an adorable stuffed owl from a shooting game, handing it to you proudly stating that he was giving it to you so that you would always be reminded of him. 

But if he were, to be honest, something was definitely missing. There was just something about your date that was lacking in order to make it the picture-perfect date. And both of you couldn’t quite understand what it was until you find yourself being sucked into the convincing sprout of words from a junior who was running a photo booth. 

And then it clicked to you. What other way to remember this day than to take a commemorative photo? Photo booths were something you loved to do. Because it was a moment where you could be alone with someone, free from the public’s judging eyes and free to take the most extreme photos you could. 

And that’s precisely what you did. Within the small confines of one of the three handmade photo booths, you and Bokuto took many pictures. Some standard and serious, with both of you sporting poker faces, to some being utterly hilarious with you stretching Bokuto’s mouth wide while he pinched your cheeks. 

But if you had to choose one photo from the countless images that you had taken, it would most definitely had to be the last one. For the last take, the two of you had no idea what to do, having previously exhausted all the wacky poses you two could muster. The clock was running, and your minds had gone blank, not knowing what to do. But just as the timer counts down to three seconds, you take a peek at Bokuto’s face through the monitor screen and smile, whispering a small ‘I love you,’ only for him to hear.

And what had came out soon after was without a doubt one of your most favorite things in the universe. 

You were letting out a small smile, facing the cameras, and looking soft and pliant, a look that you reserved only for Bokuto. Yet Bokuto was looking straight at you, side profile shown to the camera. He was looking at you with the most lovestruck look in his eyes as if the very sight of you was a blessing to his eyes. And if Bokuto were to be honest, you were a blessing to his life. 

His heart skipped and churned at the mention of how much you cared for him. He couldn’t control the feelings he felt strongly for you, and they poured out through his eyes. He was looking at you as if you were the only girl in the world, and it made your heart swoon. It was such a simple picture, yet it spoke volumes to both of you of what your relationship was like and what would come in the future. 

There’s a soft smile on your face as your thumb brushes through the printed features that littered Bokuto’s face. You turn to look at him, ready to beg Bokuto for a framed version of this photo, but you find yourself halting in your seat, taking in the look of pure admiration in his eyes and feeling your heart fall for him more and more. 

Bokuto Kotaro was an enigma to you. He was someone you knew you could never live without, and you’re not sure how you survived for so long without having him by your side. It was as if the world divided the two apart, only to bring you back together and make your relationship more robust than ever before. 

And in a way, it was. Getting back together was a shaky start that you would never go back to. But, if it meant playing back the moments where you would feel Bokuto’s pure love over and over again, you would gladly go back. 

Because Bokuto Kotaro was worth going through all the pain over and over again. He was worth all the countless worrisome nights. He was worth pining over and loving. He was worth fighting for. 

Bokuto was worthy of you giving him the world. The only thing you asked for was he loved you to the moon and back, and that he did.

**Author's Note:**

> so this was requested on december... it’s march now omg (im so sorry about that) i wanted to focus more on how they got together rather than what happened after so yeah, a lot of pining, and a lot of the two of you being idiots in love. please give this baby some love or i will cry (jk you don’t have to). hope you all like this though! *gives million kithes*


End file.
